Everybody has the right to be stupid but your breaking the rules!
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Why do our noses run and our feet smell?
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow
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When you judge others you dont define them you define yourself..
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The more I learn, the more I forget. So why would I learn?
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You’re looking at perfection, and it ain’t you!
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Do blind eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?
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If electricty comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
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Never wish on 1 star more than 1nce cause your luck ALWAYS runs out!
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I know that you know that I know that you think I’m the best, that’s why you never tell me
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We both know I’m the best, that’s why you never tell me
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Women/Men are proof that women/men can take a joke

As long as my boss pretends that I’m earning much, I’m pretending that I work hard
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An answer to that nagging question…………… I let the dogs out!
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What do an Icebear have after swimming? Snowballs!
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Nobody like me, so I always have 1 friend
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Girls/Boys are great, every boy/girl should own one
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One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject
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When I’m good, I’m really good, but when I’m bad I’m better
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I’m not smiling at you, I’m trying not to laugh!
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I’m fat, but your ugly. I can diet
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English! Who needs that? I’m never going to England!
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You may laugh because I’m different but I laugh because you’re all the same
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If at first you dont succeed skydiving isnt for you

Take a break like it is a sort of screen saver!
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I am on the seafood diet. I see food and I eat it!
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I aint guilty, im just not innocent!
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Can I get your picture? I collect nature disasters
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For all you who talk about me, thanks for making ME the center of YOUR world!
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I’m cool, I’m hot….I’m everything you’re not
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You and the bank own a very lovely home
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Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss
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I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants
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Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
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You don’t buy the drink here, you only rent it
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All racists who are prepared to die for their country, why not now?

Drinking is the answer, I don’t remember the question
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Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?
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God bless Atheism
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I drink to make other people interesting
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An unfortunate person is one tries to fart but shits instead
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Anarchists of the world, unite!
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Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a ice-hockey goalie?
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Don’t be open-minded, your brains might fall out
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Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss
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On the other hand, you have different fingers
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Who laughs last, thinks the slowest
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I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it

That money talks I don’t deny… I just heard mine yell: Goodbye!!
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I’m not a follower… I’m a leader with the same idea
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This is where Napolean beat his bone-a-part
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First law of science: don’t spit into the wind
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I refuse to join any club that would have me for a member
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If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted
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I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it
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Do you got with me get lost? I know the way
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It was a brave man who ate the first oyster
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There are three types of economists. Those who can count, and those who can’t
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Sure, there’s no “I” in team, but there is an “M” and an “E”

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work
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Behind every successful woman, is a man who is surprised
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I don’t hate you, I just need someone to take my anger out on
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I love deadlines, especially the whooshing sound they make as they go by
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Whoever said nothing’s impossible never tried to slam a revolving door
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A man that has never lied to a woman has no respect for her feelings
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Who’s cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have a “s” in it?
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Fat people are harder to kidnap
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, does that mean they all have to?
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If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten
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Passwords are like underwear: change them often
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Next time wave all your fingers at me!

When it comes to baldness, it’s not about losing more hair, it’s about getting more head
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Behind every successful woman, is a man who is surprised
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After working here, I now realize that “Dilbert” is not a comic strip. It’s a documentary
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Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls
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Earth first. We’ll screw up the other planets later
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Only in America do they buy a double cheese burger, large fries and a DIET COKE
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Oh man this is crazy, I hope I didn’t brain my damage
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Time flies like the wind; fruit flies like bananas
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If you dont like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk
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Be a Minimalist. It’s the least you can do
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She got her good looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon
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I never appoligize! I’m sorry, that’s just not the way I am

Moblie phones are the only subject on which men boast about who’s got the smallest
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Behind every successful woman, is a man who is surprised
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Stupid statistics cost american companies 30 zillion dollars each year
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Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics
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I don’t like to repeat things, so listen carefully the first six times
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Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse!
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I must confess, I was born at a very early age
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I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own
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The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with
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I invented the cordless extension cord
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I can’t come tonight, my tires got dizzy…

I’m not handicaped, I’m just LAZY!
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I sat back looking at the stars and began to think.. where the HECK is my roof?!
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There’s a *NEW* Mexico?!?
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I’m telling you ociffer, I’m not drunk!
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Dain Bramaged.
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Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.
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I love cats…they taste just like chicken
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I am nobody, no body is perfect, therefore i am perfect!
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Reality: An illusion due to lack of alcohol.
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Roses are red, Violets Are blue, When god gave brains, Where the hell where you
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Life’s a game. FISHING IS SERIOUS!
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Be kool.. Dont go to school

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
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Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
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[When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you]
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-=Hard work pays off later, laziness pays off now!!=-
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They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance!
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[I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!]
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Dont steal, the government hates competition!
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Yes.. It was I who let the dogs out!
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Don’t drink and drive, you could spill the drink in your car!
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[2 + 2 = 5] for extremely large values of 2.
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Silence is Golden.. But Shouting IS fun!
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It Worries Me How Dumb You Are